


Cat Scratch Fever

by DjJenchei



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Case Fic, Confused Castiel is an adorable Castiel, Dean tries to ignore his feelings, DevastatinglyHandsomeCastiel, Feelings, GottaBeWitchesMan, M/M, NotAChickFlick, Post Season 11, Sam Ships It, Some changes in season 12 because I want it that way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:51:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DjJenchei/pseuds/DjJenchei
Summary: There's a case, Castiel is needed, things go wrong because that's what happens when people mess with the supernatural. Dean doesn't do chick-flick moments but Cas is important and there are -feelings (yuck)- involved. Sammy is a jerkface and likes to watch Dean squirm. Castiel causes Dean's dick to malfunction, 'cause it's not normal to have a boner for your platonic friend who is also a baby in a trenchcoat!





	1. Chapter 1

Simon was kicking the empty can of beer in front of him feeling utterly bored and frustrated. Fucking Becky Jameson being a fucking prude frigid cunt! There was no way she couldn’t have known what “Netflix and chill” meant. Everyone knew that! Even the strange smelling kid with beer bottle glasses at school knew that for fuck’s sake!

The party had been a complete bust anyways so leaving it hadn’t been that bad but shit, he’d been expecting to have sex! Finally after warming Becky up for the past month he’d finally thought this was it. She was finally going to open her legs up for him. As if! The cunt had dressed to impress, her beautifully round breasts bursting out of the sleeveless shirt she’d been wearing and the short skirt was the only thing covering her full ass. He’d been so ready to tap that!

Simon kicked the can against a tree in the park just behind his house. “He shoots! He scores!” He dropped to his right knee, pumping his fist in the air in mock celebration before throwing his shirt over his head and running aimlessly around the park. “Of course I’d have rather shot my load inside Becky.” Simon muttered to himself as he pushed the now misshapen shirt over his head and back down to cover his chest. “It seems it’s just you and me, eh buddy?” He continued while looking at his right hand before grasping the front of his jeans and adjusting his dick inside.

Simon had kept bringing ciders for Becky, trying to get her liquored up. He’d been a fucking knight in shining armour, keeping all the too handsy college dudes away from her and then she had pushed her breasts to his chest and kissed him thoroughly in gratitude before asking if he wanted to leave the party go somewhere more quiet. He’d suggested they’d go up to Brent’s room but Becky didn’t want that. She wanted a more _private_ place. And what the hell was up with that? You didn’t dress that way and talk like that to a dude without following through with it. Shit, what a cocktease!

They’d left the party and headed to Becky’s. She told her parents and little brother were off to see her grandparents and she had the house all to herself. And that! That was textbook scenario for underage sex! They got to her place and Becky started kissing him like it was the only thing keeping her alive. His dick had risen up faster than he could say “Let’s get it on,” and he had pulled the shirt over her head. She hadn’t had any bra on which of course Simon had noticed while walking up to her house because her nipples had perked up in the cool air.

Finally he’d finally gotten his mouth on the breasts everyone in the locker room had talked about with admiration. She had the biggest tits in the school and he’d had his mouth on them! He couldn’t wait to tell Tom and the gang about it!

A drop of water fell to the back of Simon’s neck and down under the shirt. A shiver ran through Simon’s body but it wasn’t because of the freakishly cold drop of water. The hairs on his arms rose up as he looked around the eerily quiet park. It felt like someone was looking at him but there was no one around at this time of night. A street lamp’s light fluttered before going black all together.

“Shit Simon!” He rubbed the back of his head and tried to calm his nerves. “This is Milton for fuck’s sake! Nothing ever happens here. It’s just an old lamp.” Finally after a minute of scouring the place the feeling of being watched went away and he continued walking towards his house. Home’s just about five minutes’ walk from here.

Fucking Becky had had too much to drink and she ended up spilling her guts all over the bathroom floor. He could’ve gotten past that with just some mouthwash and a thorough washing of teeth but she’d told she _wasn’t in the mood_. He’d been generous enough to look past the vomiting and she’d said **_she_** wasn’t in the mood. If he’d stayed at the party maybe he’d found someone else to hook up with. Stephanie had been eyeing him with hunger for the whole night so maybe he could’ve hit that again. He’d left her three months ago but the word on the street was that she was still into him. Who could blame her? He was a fucking hunk compared to all the other losers in the school!

Simon rounded up the corner to his street when he stumbled on a bag lying on the middle of the road.

“The fuck!?” His knees scraped the pavement and the jeans broke over the left knee. Shit! These were his favourite pair! Who the fuck left a fucking messenger bag lying around the street? Simon heard a quiet feminine cooing coming from the narrow street between two houses.

“You a hungry bunch aren’t you?” A loud chorus of meowing answered followed by a laugh. “Now hold up, wait —“

“Hey lady! You can’t leave your shit lying around like this!” Simon shouted to the blackness. A tabby cat was looking at him curiously from on top of a trash can. “My jeans’ ruined you ass! These cost a fortune!” He kicked the bag and treats scattered all around his feet. The tabby cat let out a purr and its tail poised straight up flickered before it jumped down and headed straight to Simon’s feet. Fucking cats!

Simon kicked at the cat coming towards him, missing it by an inch and it hissed back but didn’t go too far.

“Don’t do that!” A shrill voice shouted at him from the blackness but Simon had eyes only for the cat staring back at him, sitting two feet away from him, tail swishing furiously behind it.

“Stay the fuck away from me you mangy inbred fucker!” Simon growled when the cat stood up again and came towards him. His leg kicked out again, this time making contact with its shoulder and the cat screeched before hightailing it to the black. “Yeah, you better run!” Simon spat and started to move towards his house. Crazy cat ladies! Simon resisted the urge to turn around and see what was happening behind him as he heard strange muttering coming from the alley. He didn’t want to see some batshit crazy cat lady spewing spit as she tried to utter out protests. He didn’t have time for her shit. She fucking ruined his jeans! His fucking favourite black skinny jeans were torn! He brushed the dirt from his knees and hissed as pain shot up from his busted left knee.

“The hell?” Simon couldn’t move his legs. It was as if someone had glued his feet to the pavement and wrapped some cement around his calves for good measure. He could feel strange tingling at his back and Simon turned around to see what was happening when his vision went neon green before he blacked out completely, the last thing on his mind was how the colour reminded him of the keylime pie his grandma had made last summer that had tasted like shit on toast.


	2. Chapter 2

SUPERNATURAL

 

”Where’s the Continental, Cas?” Sam queried while leaning heavily on Baby’s side. Dean suppressed the urge to shove him away and inspect for damage on the paint. Only two days ago he’d had to paint the whole car after hammering out the dents caused by a Tibetian Tulpa in the form of a Minotaur. Luckily it had crashed on the Impala shoulder first and not with the horns because that would’ve caused a crapload of repairs for her.

“I had a small accident—“

“You had a _what_?” The word _accident_ said with Cas’ deep voice caused Dean to go into near panic mode. “When was this? Are you alright? Why didn’t you call us? —“

“It was a small accident and I required no assistance.” Cas was staring at Dean with a look on his face Dean could only describe as exasperation. At the back of his mind he could obviously see Cas was fine. He hadn’t been limping. He wasn’t holding himself up like he was in pain. The dude was a freaking _Seraph_! There weren’t a lot of things that could kill him but that didn’t stop him from worrying.

“But —“

“Calm down, Dean. Can’t you see he’s fine?” Dean could feel how his eyes had widened in fear and honestly he could hear the rational part of his brain trying to calm him the fuck down and shake it off. Another part was screaming at him from the deepest corners of his consciousness to _stop! Stop before they find out what a girl you are! Stop before they find out what the Angel means—_

“Shut it, Sam.” Dean grumbled at his brother who was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and amusement shining all over his annoying face. He tried to relax his face and stop his heart from hammering in his chest so loudly. Someone was bound to hear it.

Dean hadn’t even noticed the beige truck pulling up next to Baby on the parking lot because he’d been too busy **not** thinking about when was the last time he’d seen Cas. Not that he’d been counting or anything but it had been two weeks, four days and thirteen hours.

“So you traded the pimpmobile to a douchey pickup truck?” Dean wanted to shoot himself in the face when he saw a flash of hurt cross Cas’ features. All it took was a bucket load of worry to revert Dean back to his old defences. He’d been learning so hard _not_ to be such a dick to those he cared about and he’d been making good process so far. All it took was one word to throw him off course. The late 80’s Ford F-series truck wasn’t really all that douchey but Dean was feeling too shaky cause he’s brain had provided him with a very inappropriate image of Cas naked at the back of the truck he drove.

Dean kind of had a thing about pickup trucks. Ever since he’d seen Jack Bish jump down his shiny black pickup at Walshgrave high with his windswept hair and jean jacket thrown over his shoulder, Dean had been screwed. Dean had felt flustered and nearly tripped over the steps leading up to the school and made an ass out of himself. He didn’t really know what was it about trucks that made is blood pool hotly in his groin area but there he was, staring at Cas like a scared animal and wishing for his blood to flow anywhere else than downwards.

“You told me you needed assistance with a case?” Luckily Cas turned his piercing blue eyes away from him and towards Sam and Dean could breathe freely again. Cas had a way of making Dean all flustered one second and secure the next. Had Dean felt like a braver person he might’ve took out the box titled “Castiel” and examined everything it held inside. But he didn’t and he was afraid of the day he had to do just that. He was afraid what he might reveal about himself.

“I think so,” Sam leaned his freakishly tall body through the window to pick up his laptop from the passenger side seat. “So get this; ten people have gone missing strangely in Milton Vernon in the last two months. That’s a whole lot of people disappearing in such a short time. There are also strange markings that have been appearing all over town as well.” He was pushing his laptop towards Cas and he glanced the article with confusion written all over his face.

“Any you need me for this why?” He was doing the head tilting and eyebrow furrowing thing he usually did when he didn’t understand something. Dean tried not to think of it as adorable and failed amazingly.

“’Cause Dean doesn’t like cats.” Sam laughed leaning back against the passenger side door and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hey! That’s not true,” Dean pointed his finger at Sam at the false accusation. “I like cats; it’s the cat’s that don’t like me. Plus, I’m allergic to them.”

“And this correlates to this case how?” Damn, could the man be any more confused and adorable looking?

“Because people have gone missing right smack in the place also called the _Cat Corner_.” Dean tried to explain but that just caused Cas’ eyebrows furrow even more. Sometimes the dude looked like the husky puppy in the video Charlie had sent him one time, turning its head this way and that way, trying to understand what the silly human was saying to it. Dean faintly wondered if that’s how Cas saw them, as silly humans.

“There’s gonna be lots of cats loitering about and because the delicate flower he is, Dean’s decided to sit this one out.” Dean resisted the urge to throw his keys at his fucktard of a brother and only ran his thumb across his neck, mouthing _“you dead”_ at the overgrown kid.

That wasn’t actually the real reason Dean wanted to get Cas to join them, but he wasn’t going to tell the Samsquatch that. The real reason was that he missed Cas. Ever since Cas had left them over two weeks ago to run around with his feathered flock, Dean had felt anxiety set in his bones. It wasn’t a new feeling for Dean but as he got older he was finding it harder and harder to ignore.

He blamed it on the domestication that came with discovering the Men of Letters bunker. For the first time since he was four he felt like he had a home other than Baby. He had stability and routines and a room he could call his own with all his shit and everything. He didn’t feel the need to drink so much to forget the fact that his life consisted of hunting things that went bump in the night. Now for most nights he could sleep in his boxers and not fully clothed, just waiting for something to burst through the door and try to kill him or Sammy. He could relax and know that the bunker was a solid fortress and that nothing could come at him during the night. He was safe, Sammy was safe. Well, as safe as hunters could be these days.

“Do we have a working theory yet?” Cas asked while heading back to his truck.

“Not yet —“

“Witches, man! It’s gotta be witches.” Dean interrupted Sam. “I hate witches!” He almost missed the way Sam mimicked him but in no way he could’ve missed the small smile on Cas’ face at Sam’s antics. That was a thing nowadays; Sam and Cas laughing at him. If it didn’t make Dean at least a tiny bit happy, he’d be offended. Okay, it warmed him to the very bottom of his heart to see Sam and Cas being so close.

“Okay people; let’s get this show on the road!” Dean hollered before patting the hood of Baby fondly and sliding in behind the wheel.


	3. Chapter 3

It was near noon when they finally made it to Milton, Vermont the next day. Dean was nearly falling asleep on the passenger side when Sam pulled up in front of a Diner. Sam and Cas had both ganged up on him and forced him to give up the keys after he nearly drove off the road that morning. Head hung low he trailed after his brother inside the Diner. The smell of grease and salt was almost overwhelming Dean and he could feel his mouth watering as he slid on to the seat opposite Sam. He leaned his forehead on the table and groaned loudly. His neck was killing him. He’d been perched on the door with his neck at an awkward angle and now it was aching.

“I’m getting too old for this shit.” He mumbled to his feet. They’d spent the night in a motel and the bed had been too hard and the pillow too big and he’d slept horribly. The tips of black leather shoes joined the ones already seated at the table on his left.

“If you’re old, what does that make me, Dean?” The low rumble of Castiel’s voice gave Dean the shivers he desperately tried to hide.

“Sexy.” Dean answered without even thinking about it and his head sprang up from the table so fast he nearly pulled a muscle. _Shit, shit, shit!_ A quick glance towards Sam convinced Dean that he hadn’t heard what was said because he was busy giving the waitress their order. “One chicken burger with extra pickle, one bacon cheese burger and I’ll have a chicken burger as well but can I have salad instead of fries?” Dean tried not to look like he had been caught saying his best friend was sexy as he finally turned to look at Cas but he was sure he looked like a deer caught in headlights. He had to gulp as he was met with piercing blue eyes staring at him without even blinking. Shit, even after all this time he should be immune to Cas’ staring at him like that but each and every time he found himself mesmerized by the unwavering gaze. It was like he could learn all the secrets of the world if he looked long and hard enough in those eyes.

“After we’ve eaten I think it would be a good idea to check in to a motel and get a few z’s in before Cas and I head out to investigate.” Sam’s voice sounded muddled, like Dean’s ears were filled with cotton balls. He couldn’t turn his eyes away from Cas’ for some reason. It was like Cas had put some kind of angel whammy on him and he was helpless to do anything else than stare. “You okay to hold down the fort and do some research for once?”

In the back of his head he knew he should acknowledge the words coming from his brother’s mouth but Cas was just staring at him with a miniscule smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. His hair was sticking up from the left side of his head because he’d been leaning his head on his hand perched on the window while he drove. He did that and Dean didn’t think it was cute, no not at all.

“Dean!” Fingers appeared to his line of vision, cutting their eye contact as Sam snapped his fingers and huffed out impatiently. He could feel the bitch face on Sammy’s face.

“Yeah, whatever Sammy.” Begrudgingly Dean shifted his gaze to Sam to see the ending of an eye roll. The waitress came over with their drinks and Dean tried to get himself under control. He wasn’t used to the new discovery that he didn’t handle sleep deprivation as well as he did in his twenties.

“What have you gathered so far on the case?” Cas asked and finally turned his eyes towards Sam and Dean felt relieved and disappointed at the same time.

“Nothing much. The vic’s are all from different age, gender and ethnicity groups. The disappearances have happened sporadically. Luckily the last known whereabouts of the victims is about five to seven mile radius so we shouldn’t have a too much of a problem scouting the area.”

“And the markings?”

“The pictures on the internet magazines weren’t that good so we haven’t had the chance to research them.” Dean tried to keep his eyes open while Cas and Sam talked but it was difficult.

“Bodies? Animal disappearances, mutilations?”

“None that we know about. The only weird thing we found about this place was the unusually high amount of cats in the area but that hasn’t changed drastically in the previous few months.”

“Here are your burgers gentlemen. Enjoy!” The conversation stopped completely when the food arrived. Dean tried not to inhale his burger as fast as humanly possible without succeeding. He hadn’t even realized how hungry he was. He could feel Sam’s disapproving gaze burning the top of his head and Dean would’ve flipped him off if he wasn’t too busy stuffing his face with fries.

They ate in near silence. Enjoying their food, well he and Sam did, Cas was simply going through the motions since he didn’t actually need food.

Sam excused himself to the toilet and left Dean and Cas at the table in an uncomfortable silence. Dean felt extremely weird all of a sudden. The word “sexy” kept bouncing around in his head. He still couldn’t believe he’d said that. On the other hand, it wasn’t too long ago that he’d described Cas as “devastatingly handsome”. The waitress came by to clear the plates and Dean turned towards Cas, trying to think of something, anything to say or ask. He found himself distracted by a spot on Cas’ face.

“You’ve got a —,“ Dean motioned to the side of Cas face but all he received was a blank stare and a head tilt from the angel. Of course the waitress had removed every paper towel from the freaking table. Groaning inwardly he reached out his hand towards Cas’ face. “Here, let me.” He wiped the drop of sauce from the side of Cas’ face, trying not to linger too long and press his palm to Cas’ cheek. Chuckdamn he was tired!

Before he even knew what was happening, Cas had his hand wrapped around Dean’s wrist, holding it in place as a tongue poked out of Cas’ mouth and licked the drop of sauce from Dean’s thumb. Dean’s mouth hung open as was watching the scene unfold in front of him. After licking the drop Cas leaned in a tiny bit and sucked the tip of his thumb in his mouth. _Holy fucking hell!_ Dean’s right hand flew without a conscious thought to his crotch to relieve the sudden tightness inside his jeans. He could feel the tip of Cas’ tongue wiping, swirling around at the pad of his thumb and doing a _very_ thorough job of cleaning it. Dean thought he might pass out and die when the piercing blue eyes lifted up to stare straight into his eyes. Dean was embarrassed to find a whimper escaping his mouth.

“The molecules of this sauce are extremely favourable.” Dean cleared his throat and, not for the first time in his life, he wished he had the will power to control his blood flow. All his blood was now either in his cheeks and the tips of his ears or pooling down to his dick. Suddenly Dean came to the realization his hand had been hovering in front of Cas’ face for too long without the support of Cas’ hand and let it drop to his lap. He was overly conscious of his left hands’ thumb now. It was like it pulsed and Dean tried not to stretch and flex his fingers because of the sensation. Would it be bad if he just stopped washing that thumb? Or excused himself to the toilet and sucked on it himself? Was it normal to be jealous of the pad of your thumb? Holy shit his thumb had been in Cas’ mouth!

“Damnit, Cas! You’re not supposed to do stuff like that!” Dean felt off kilter, flung across the galaxies without a space suit and a security rope. Of course Cas didn’t know that the freaking angel-child! Of course he would have to explain it to him. But how do you say to your friend that his thumb sucking activities caused his dick to seriously malfunction? And how do you explain to said angel that you only sucked someone’s thumb like that in the privacy of a bedroom and/or with your sexual partner, never with your platonic friend? You couldn’t! That would just lead to more questions and he didn’t want to hear them or try to answer them.

“Do what?”

“Suck on people’s thumbs in public places!”

“Why not?” There he went again with the head tilting. Honestly, sometimes the dude had a way of looking at you like you were the most peculiar person in the world. “Or did you want a taste yourself?”

“Shit, Cas! No I didn’t want a taste myself!” Out of the corner of his eye he could see Sam coming closer. _Shit, shit, shit!_ “Just don’t do that shit again, Cas!” He hissed back, trying to message with his eyes for Cas to just take his word as gospel and drop it with the questions.

“You two ready to go?” Luckily Cas got the hint or decided it wasn’t worth his time to pursue a more understandable answer.


	4. Chapter 4

They arrived at the closest affordable and semi-clean motel not too far from the cat corner. Already Dean could feel his throat itching but he was sure it was more of a mental thing than due to an actual allergic reaction. Dean was more than happy to let Sam deal with booking a room while he stayed behind with Baby. He leaned heavily to her side almost dozing off in the warmth of the sun.

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand landed heavily on his left shoulder. “Dean, are you alright?” He was getting reckless and sloppy. A hunter couldn’t afford to ever let down his guard, even if it was in the middle of the day in a fairly busy street.

“Yeah man, just completely wiped out.”

“Are you sure you’re not getting sick?” The palm trailed up to his forehead. The palm felt surprisingly calloused on his skin.

“I’m sure.” Dean swatted the hand away from his face. At least he didn’t offer to take his temperature with his finger again. That had seriously caused non-platonic images run through his head about Cas and nakedness and his finger up a certain orifice. “I don’t bounce back as easily as I did in my twenties is all.”

“That is only natural.”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel natural. I’m starting to get tired of all this, travelling around the country, hunting monsters, saving the world. Maybe I should set up a network like Bobby did and only go out on hunts every once and a while.” Evidently the tiredness made him also oversharing. He’d only thought of that maybe like twice and always as a joke. He didn’t actually think about semi-retirement? Right?

“I think you would be great at it if that’s really what you want to do.” He couldn’t handle the hearing Cas so understanding, not with the topic of their conversation.   
“Why am I even talking about this? I should just hit the hay and stop whining like a kid who dropped his lollipop.”

“Dean —“ He was fairly sure what Cas’ would’ve said if Sam hadn’t stomped out of the office just that time. He would’ve protested that it wasn’t wrong to think that and he would be understanding and supportive and all those normal things that went along with normal friendships. He didn’t need that. He didn’t want to be mollycoddled.

“We’re in 28.” They grabbed their things and headed to the room. It was your everyday standard motel room with two beds and a private bathroom. Unceremoniously Dean dumped his bag next to the closest bed and conked out on top of the covers, falling asleep almost instantly.

 

₰ ₰ ₰

 

Dean woke up to the smell of coffee wafting to his nose. “Dean, wake up.” Cas was shaking him gently and a big take away cup was thrust to his hand before he had a chance to knock him over for waking him up. He was not exactly what you called a morning person.

“You are my hero.” Dean mumbled out and took a sip of the hot black liquid trying not to scald the roof of his mouth with it.

“Sam and I are heading out to interview the last victim’s family.” Cas’ hand was still heavy on his shoulder and the warmth of it was soothing and grounding.

“Okay, buddy. I’ll see you later.” Cas left the room, quietly closing the door after him, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts, cradling the cup in his palms and missing the press of Cas’ palm on his shoulder.

He missed the bunker. There wasn’t much he could do in terms of helping out with the case yet and the motel life was a tiring life when you had basically nothing to do. At least he’d slept a bit better and the bed in this motel was definitely a step up from the previous. But it didn’t beat the one he had at home, not by a long shot. _Home_. It was still weird thinking of something other than Baby as home.

With that thought in mind Dean remembered what he’d told Cas while waiting for Sam just a few hours earlier. He didn’t mean to speak those thoughts out loud but tiredness was making him act like an idiot. Most of the times when Cas was somehow involved, Dean felt like an idiot. The Angel had a way of making him feel like the biggest baboon of the bunch. Sometimes he managed to pull his shit together and act like an actual human being but most times, not so much. Luckily most of those times were when they were alone with no one to see his blunderings and idiocy but Cas. And Cas had no frame of reference to be a judge on how much of an idiot he really was, so that at least was a relief.

In the last few months he’d started shyly to think about a future where he might grow old; a future where he might get to keep his family whole. He’d learned early on that people closest to him had a tendency to vanish or die. He always thought of himself as a visitor in other people’s lives; a transient with no real, lasting connections to anyone other than Sam, his dad and Bobby; two out of three dead, oh the joy. And his relationship with Sam was rarely steady. There were times they hadn’t been speaking to one another or they couldn’t stand being in the near vicinity of the other but somehow they’d made it through either way.

Dean had never thought of himself as perfect. Hell, he was definitely at the other end of that spectrum. But he’d been raised to think family was the most important thing there was and you never, ever abandoned family. Of course Sam had been brought up differently because Dean had been the one to actually raise Sam because dad was out hunting most of the times. He’d shielded Sam from all the responsibilities he’d had and dad had never thrust those things to Sam either. There was no point because it was Dean’s job to take care of Sam.

There were times in his life he’d felt incredibly jealous of his brother. He’d had a chance of making a life for himself outside of hunting (even though that had been a complete lie in the end), he’d had options and he’d had a chance to make choices more freely than Dean did.

‘Protect Sammy’ had been his big brother duty from the day he was born and that role had grown exponentially the day their mother died and dad had given Sam over to him with the words “Take your brother outside as fast as you can and don’t look back!” while the house burned around them. He’d shielded Sam with his body, clutching him close and vowing to try his hardest so Sammy wouldn’t have to feel as terrified as he had been at that moment.

“What’s up with you, man?” Dean muttered to himself and opened his laptop. He didn’t like thinking back to all that. After all this time it still hurt.

With all the shit with Amara and Chuck, he’d slowly started to look inward. If the Darkness and God could look past their issues and make an effort, maybe he should as well. He’d always known he wasn’t satisfied, not really, with the life he led. He’d always lived a life where instant gratification was the plan because he knew how fast your life could be over, especially in his line of work.

When the, what he really thought was the end, came he’d gotten a chance to say goodbye, say his peace and walk with his head held high. At least that had been his plan. In the end he’d gotten cold feet and said the wrong words and then before he’d had the chance to say the right things, he’d gotten interrupted and the moment was over before it even really begun.

Then they were thrown a curveball. Dean didn’t die but he had saved the world and himself and then a rarity happened. He was rewarded; he was given an opportunity to get to know his mother after all these years. That had brought a new awkwardness to his life. Getting his mom back had been great. But how do you deal with your previously dead mom? What do you say? How do you act? How do you treat her? It was weird. Cas had been a champ in the whole thing. Taking it in stride like it was the most normal thing in the world. And what’s more, he had _helped_ with the situation. Well, at the beginning, but he didn’t want to think about that now or he might break a wall.

On the way to the bunker he’d thought about how he was finally going to say the right things after everyone got over the fact that their mom had pulled a classic Winchester-move and been resurrected. But then another situation was thrown into the mix. Sam had been kidnapped. Dean just couldn’t catch a break! Like come on man, seriously? It was always flying from one bad situation to the next, possibly even worse scenario, time and time again. So that was why he was so surprised when he found himself daydreaming of another future. He was starting to see that there was always going to be things to hunt, things to kill but that all of it wasn’t on his shoulders alone. He was starting to see that not all bad things were his fault. He was starting to see himself as _just_ a man, not someone who was responsible for everything bad in the world.

Now that they had dealt with the situation with Darkness, it was almost like a clean slate. Their actions hadn’t caused any big ‘the whole world at risk’-type of situation. All was in a way well in the world. He and his brother hadn’t caused any new supernatural crisis that they themselves had to put right. Lucifer was back in his cage, the Darkness was no longer an issue and he didn’t have the Mark on his arm. Demons were still Demons and Angels were still dicks with wings. They had their own problems and they could deal with them on their own. The Winchesters could do what they did best without the added pressure of saving the world.

Luckily it didn’t take long for them to find Sam and deal with the situation with the British Men of Letters. It wasn’t an easy battle to get them to realize that their invasion wasn’t welcome and that they would fight tooth and nail them taking over their country. Now they had an open line of communication, which Dean was wary of still but things looked fine. Sam seemed to get along with Mick Davies and Dean was starting to see the benefits of his assistance. The guy was pretty smart even though he was lacking the experience on the field.

Dean had been skimming through his emails when he’d spotted a forwarded message from one of Bobby’s emails. Someone called Stefano from Denver was reaching out to Bobby because gruesome killings were happening in his town. He wrote how the killings were dismissed as animal killings but Stefano wasn’t that sure. Without even finishing reading the whole message he pulled out his phone.

“Hey, Stefano Moretti?”

_“Yes, I’m Stefano Moretti. How may I help you?”_ Surprisingly old and deep voice answered back to him. While reading his email he’d thought the man would sound younger.

“This is Dean Winchester calling on behalf of Bobby Singer. I read your email and I’m pretty sure we’re dealing with something else than animals and I think I can help you.” The line went quiet. Before Dean had a chance to say anything a quiet sob reached his ears. Stefano sounded relieved and almost started crying at the other end of the phone.

_“Oh, thank the Lord! I — Are — Can you come to Denver straight away?”_

“No I’m sorry. I have a situation I need to deal with in Vernon but I do know someone close by who can help you out. I’ll forward your information to her and she can get back to you.”

_“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll be waiting to hear form her!”_

“Alright, I’ll let you get back to your business.”

_“God bless you Mr. Winchester, God bless you!”_

“Sure, yeah, okay.” The line went quiet and Dean could feel his headache pounding just a tiny bit harder. He wasn’t that sure he wanted God blessing him. He had a tendency to fuck things up. Scrolling through the contacts on his phone Dean stopped on Mary’s name. When they’d gotten a phone for her, he’d stared at the number for hours, trying to think of what to name the number. Mom? Mary? Mother? He’d settled on Mary Winchester in the end because everything else looked weird.

Dean’s finger hovered over the call button on the screen. They’d had an argument the last time they’d talked and that was over a month ago. It had been incredibly hard to avoid her in the bunker and luckily after a while she’d gone off on her own hunting trips. Last he’d heard she’d been working a case with Jody out in Alliance a few days back.

“Hello Dean.” He hadn’t even heard the door open. He was really off his game, seriously off his game.

“Hi Cas.” Dean could feel relief wash through him at the sight of Cas standing at the doorway. He hadn’t even noticed that Cas wasn’t wearing his trench when they’d left, it was perched on the back of the sofa. He looked almost naked without it, and good. Cas looked good naked. Whoa! He should _really_ stop with that line of thinking! He’d seen the Angel naked and that had traumatized him for life. Well, actually caused him to have serious dick malfunction and frequent dreams about said Angel without any clothing on him.

“We brought pizza!” Sam comes in balancing a pizza on one hand and a six pack of beer on the other. Sam kicked the door closed with his foot and tossed the pizza on the table in front of Dean with a shit-eating grin that made the hairs in the back of his head stand up and be wary, be very wary indeed.

“And I have pie!” Cas told showing the bag in his arms, how the hell did he miss that? He sounded so happy and proud that it made Dean slightly uncomfortable. Cas hadn’t been feeling too great in the past months. He’d taken the leaf out of the Gospel of Dean Winchester and fallen into a pit of self-loathing and doubt. Dean had done his best to ease his pain and help with the guilt but there were days he dreaded he hadn’t done enough and Cas would pull a stunt like the one he did in Purgatory.

“Hey Sam, forward this info to mom and tell her she might be dealing with a Shojo.” Dean hastily wrote out the name, number and location of the Shojo case and pushed it towards Sammy.

“How long are you going to keep this up?” Sam had his bitch face no.7 on his face, the one where he put it on just out of habit and knowing it would have no effect on Dean whatsoever.

“As long as I need to.” Dean sighed and held out the scrap of paper for Sam who was trying to ignore it like his life depended on it. “Just forward the damn info, Sammy.” Dean got up, took the pack of beers out of Sam’s hands and thrust the paper to his palm. Were all brothers this insufferable or was he simply blessed with one?

“So, what did you find out? Anything interesting?” Dean tore the pack open and pulled out three beers.

“Not r—“ Before Cas could even end his sentence Sam was almost hollering over him to drown out anything he might have said.  
“Cas can’t really handle flirting.” The familiar gut-punch feeling took over Dean as he held out the beers for his brother and his Angel. No, not _his_ Angel, Cas, an Angel and a totally platonic friend.

“Sam—“

“Say what again?” It wasn’t even all that abnormal for people to flirt with Cas, he was _devastatingly handsome_ after all.

“He’s such an adorable little Angel when someone tries to flirt with him.” Dean got a weird pang in his chest when Sam called Cas “Angel” he might recognize as jealousy if he let himself think about it more than a second longer.

“No, I wa—“  
“Who was flirting with you, Cas?” Keep it cool, man. This is just a normal conversation between his friend and his brother. No point in showing any other emotion than faint amusement. Yeah, right. As if he was that good of an actor. Sam was smirking at him and staring at him like he was assessing every little thing Dean said or did.

“I’m sure he was just being nice—“

“He?” Dean blanched on the pronoun and he could feel sweat trickle down from his neck to his back.  A dude was flirting with Cas.

“Yeah. Last vic’s stepdad. Offered to show Cas around the town if he _fancied_ it. British he was.” Sammy was looking at him with his ‘I dare you’ look and all Dean could do was gulp in a way that didn’t show how uncomfortable he was.

“He just lost his son, I’m sure he wasn’t flirting with me.” Cas’ eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was a tiny bit open. Dean tried not to let his gaze linger too long on Cas’ lips.

“Stepson, as he pointed out on numerous occasions.” Sam pushed the lid open and pulled out a piece of pizza and started munching on it happily. And grinning like an idiot at Dean. He wanted to hit the grin right off his face. Stupid moose!

“He?” The pronoun was still confusing him. It wasn’t even in any shape or form atypical for dudes to hit on Cas or him for that matter but still he couldn’t get past it. No dudes were allowed to hit on Cas!

“Yes, Dean. He.” Dean could feel the Cas’ equivalent of an eye roll.

“So a dude who just lost a son made a pass at you?” He had to clear his throat because his voice went high all of a sudden.

It made his jaw clench each time someone flirted with Cas but he always tried to act normal and brush it off as it didn’t matter. It wasn’t that long ago they’d joined Mary’s new hunter friend Wally and a waitress had gotten her eyes set on Cas. He tried to act like it was a _‘teachable’_ moment but inside his chest his heart had been hammering and roaring with outrage. And it nearly stopped when Cas had leaned over and smelled the waitress. Luckily he didn’t want to _copulate_ with the waitress and Dean could breathe a tiny bit better.

“He actually seemed quite glad to be rid of him to be honest. More trouble than he’s worth.” Sam told between bites and looked more pleased than he should be. Like scheming pleased, Sammy looked like he did when he was planning on a prank. “But Cas, he looked like he might actually blush with the attention.”

“I did n—“

“He was quite a good looking fellow wasn’t he?”

“His physical appearance was agreeable, yes, but—“

“He looked hot, admit it.”

“You’re not talking about temperature wise?”

“No Cas, I’m not talking about his temperature.” It was like looking at a table tennis being played in front of him, his eyes darted left and right. Sammy was looking smug and Cas was getting frustrated. Dean felt more and more like a deer frozen in headlights, paralyzed to watch the oncoming car and unable to do anything but stare, with eyes wide open in horror.

“Then yes, he did—“

“Wait, what?” Every thought process halted. It was almost like the time Cas had kissed Meg. Dean felt the need to do something but what that was, he didn’t know.

“–‘ _look hot_ ’.” Dean was blinking. It was like he couldn’t stop it, he was overly conscious of his eyelids all of a sudden. _He did look hot. He did look hot. He did look hot._ The thought was running around in circles, overthrowing everything else. A quiet voice snorted at the back of his head at Cas finally using air quotes the correct way. He felt like he was under one of those heating lamps. Both Sam and Cas were staring at him. Shit, he made a sound like a scared animal, like a small high pitched whine. Quick! Say something, anything really!

“Isn’t that like a no-no according to the good book?” Not what he was planning on saying but the words flew from his mouth anyway. What the fuck was his mouth doing?

“The good book? Seriously Dean?”

“You are aware that the Bible was written by men?”

“I  – uh — Both of you just shut up.” His index finger was pointing at the two of them accusingly like they had done something wrong. Way to go Dean. Good job handling the situation. Luckily they were interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Dean pulled it from his pocket and answered without looking at the name on the screen. “Dean.” He sounded angrier than intended and he had to order himself to take a calming breath.

“I — I didn’t actually think you’d answer.” The voice at the other end of the line breathed out in surprise and the need to curse excessively filled him up. That’s what he got for acting rashly and trying to avoid conversations that confused him. “Dean, I’m sorry. I don’t know what more I can say.” Dean wanted to say so many things and nothing at all at the same time. An overwhelming sense of sadness and anger and disappointment was washing over him and he was finding it hard to breathe.

“Dean?” Sammy was looking at him with concern written all over his face. Dean was biting his teeth together and his jaw was starting to ache. It was all too much. He hung up on Mary, let the phone drop to the bed and walked out of the room. He wanted to smash the door closed behind him, wanted to pound the door with his fists until it, or his fists broke. At the back of his mind he was confused as to why he was so angry. In his mind he was brought back to the time Sammy had ran off to study and he was left together with an angry John.

Dad had been furious that Sam had left. He’d tried to placate the situation, telling that Sam needed to do what he wanted to do otherwise they were going to lose him forever. But John wasn’t so easily calmed. He’d gone off on his own, leaving Dean behind, alone for the first time in years. That time it wasn’t his choice. That time he had been abandoned and he hated the feeling. He’d been abandoned, left behind, cast out like a pariah.

Dean found Baby in the parking lot and leaned on her for support. His palms on her hood grounded him. That night John had disappeared and left the Impala behind for Dean. Somehow that had made it all so much worse. It had been like John wanted nothing to remind him of them, his family. Dean had been left behind in an empty home, like a pet left behind when the family moved away, left with nothing but his bowls of water and food and a shelter he once thought of as home but realizing it was nothing without his family filling it with warmth. Dean felt the tears burning at the back of his eyes. He didn’t want to think about that time of his life.

He slipped behind the wheel, leaning his forehead on the top of the wheel, breathing in the scent of leather, of childhood memories. The passenger side door opened and closed and a weigh of a new body settling in on the seat made Baby dip.

“You wanna go for a ride?” Dean asked pushing in the key and twisting it to get Baby roar to life. The purr of the engine and the vibration of the car made him feel a tiny bit better. She always had done that. When the self-doubt and negativity was weighing him down all he had to do was jump behind the wheel and drive. It never mattered where he went or what he saw once he got there, it was all about the feeling of being connected, having control over something, some tiny part in his life under his command.

“Sure.” The deep gravelly voice answered and Dean threw an appreciative glance at the Angel by his side. He didn’t want to think about what it would’ve felt like if he’d refused. He resisted the urge to put pedal to the medal and hightailing it from the parking lot and settled on slowly rolling to the traffic.

Dean tried not to swerve to the oncoming traffic when Cas’ palm settled on his knee. His eyes flew to Cas’ direction but he was staring out of the passenger side window with a small smile. It was just the two of them and it was only a hand on his knee but something constricted in his abdomen from the contact. Dean fought down the immediate reaction to swat away the hand and settled on drawing comfort from it.


	5. Chapter 5

“Dean! DEAN!” Dean unceremoniously dropped the razor to the sink when the front door banged open and frantic Sam nearly fell through it, carrying unconscious Cas in his arms. His feet were moving even before his brain could process what was happening.

“Shit Sam! What happened?” Sam laid the unconscious Angel on Dean’s bed and Dean was sure his feet might give out any minute. Cas skin was ashen pale, his skin was coated with sweat and the tendons on his neck were standing out. They weren’t supposed to stand out like that. It was like he was desperately trying to hold in a scream of agony. The blood was pounding in Dean’s ears as his eyes searched for any clues on what might’ve happened to Cas

“I don’t know! We split up to talk to the families. We were supposed to meet up at the car and when Cas didn’t show I went to search for him. When I found him he just toppled over.”

“You split up? Why the hell would you do that?”  
“Cas suggested we’d get this thing sorted out faster if we did. Cas has been out working cases on his own a bunch of times.” Dean tried to contain the anger coursing through his veins but the fear was making it near impossible. Sam knew better than this!

“Cas! Cas! Cas, wake up buddy!” Dean shook Cas from the shoulders and he tried not to groan out loud when Cas’ head stayed stiffly between his shoulders. It was like Cas was holding himself perfectly still. That, or someone from Hogwarts came and shot a full-body bind curse at him. Stiff as a board, but not light as a feather. It was freaking scary!

“Dean, what should we do?” Sam asked quietly when they couldn’t get Cas to wake up after trying for what felt like hours. He didn’t know. He had no idea what to do to an unconscious Angel. Times like these he wished they had Bobby. Bobby knew almost everything and what he didn’t know, he would research until he found the answer.

“I don’t know.” Dean hated the way the words came out of his mouth; he hated admitting that he had no idea what to do. They had gone through his pockets and found nothing to explain what Cas was going through. No hex bags or nothing. There were no markings on his body either and other than fever, all his muscles locked in place and being unconscious, there was nothing really wrong with him that they could tell.

Dean pulled out a chair next to the bed and Sam settled on his own bed. Neither said anything while they watched over Cas. Dean couldn’t turn his eyes away from the Angel. He was afraid to even blink, to breathe even. He didn’t want to miss anything happening.

The time moved slowly, Dean was sure of it. Even though he had no idea how much time had passed since Sammy had carried Cas in, he was dead sure time was standing almost still. He wanted to tell Sam to just sleep, he would keep an eye on Cas but he was afraid to say it out loud because that would mean Sam would insist on taking turns sleeping and watching Cas. He didn’t want to sleep, couldn’t sleep.

Sam’s head lolled on his chest and shot back up again for a few times before a loud snore filled the room. It sounded almost too loud and too obnoxious given the situation.

Dean finally reached out to take hold of Cas’ hand when Sam gave up and went to his bed, falling asleep instantly. He had wanted to do that the second they had nothing more to do than wait but he felt embarrassed to do it in front of Sam. Dean was 90 percent sure Sam would be cool with it but he wasn’t.  
Cas’ hand felt clammy which was strange when his forehead was hot to the touch. Dean shuffled closer to the comatose Angel and held his hand in both of his. “You’ve got to wake up Cas, please, please wake up.” Dean prayed more to himself than to Cas but praying, hoping he would hear and open his eyes. “Come on buddy, I need you.”

 

Dean was startled awake by the strange sensation of someone running fingers through his hair, combing it. For a few seconds he was disoriented until he remembered what had happened before. Cas was sitting on the bed, legs crossed and staring at him with a his eyes strangely wide. He almost looked spooked.  Relief washed over Dean and he felt like a ton of weight had been lifted off of him.

“Hi Cas.” Dean could feel a smile pulling at his lips. Cas was awake. The spooked look was suddenly transformed to a small smile and he kept squinting his eyes at Dean. “How are you feeling?”

Cas looked pleased with himself and shuffled on the bed and situated himself on his knees. He was doing it again, crowding in on Dean’s personal space and making him uncomfortable. Cas kept staring at him with his eyes shining even bluer than normal. He kept slowly blinking at Dean between steady intervals and Dean felt the need to mimic Cas. A low rumbling sound filled Dean’s ears that almost made him think of a cat. Cas was blinking at him with intent as if trying to get some secret across to Dean and Dean wasn’t getting it. Dean blinked at Cas slowly and as soon as he did that Cas surged ahead and rubbed his cheek against Dean’s.

“Dude! What the fuck?!” Dean shoved Cas off him and tried to ignore the sudden fluttering in his stomach at Cas’ face so close to his. Sam was startled awake and nearly managed to roll off the bed. Cas had backed against the wall and held himself tight and he kept staring at either him or at Sam. It was almost as if he was waiting for either of them to attack him.

“Cas, hey, you okay?” Sam had his hands up in a placating manner while Cas just stared at him almost unblinkingly. What the fuck happened to him? Dean’s thoughts swirled around in his head like a tornado and all he could do was gape at the scene in front of him. Cas’ whole body was pulled taut. He was on all fours, but not on the soles of his feet and on palms, but on the tip of his fingers and on his toes.

It was almost like time stood still. No one dared to move a muscle. The air almost felt charged. Then, as soon as it had started, Cas relaxed and sat on his knees on the bed.

“Hey, buddy,” Cas turned his eyes on Dean and his face relaxed “you okay?” Dean’s throat was starting to itch and he tried to refrain from clearing his throat.

“Hurrr.” Cas looked utterly flabbergasted almost like he couldn’t believe what was coming from his mouth and Dean could relate. Cas opened his mouth again but only a meow came out and at the same time Dean sneezed.

“The hell?” Dean could feel his throat itching and another sneeze coming through. What the absolute hell? Sam was laughing so hard he was nearly falling over in his chair as Cas meowed frantically. Dean nearly tumbled to the bathroom to his toilet bag where he kept antihistamines and tried not to sneeze his brains out in the process. He could already feel his forehead aching. It was after he gulped down the tablets that he noticed Cas had trailed behind him and was standing like two inches behind him. He was staring at Dean inquisitively, unblinkingly through the mirror. Dean’s throat felt dry all of a sudden and he had to avert his eyes from Cas’.

“What the hell is going on with him?” Dean walked around Cas, trying not to touch him because Sam was staring at them with amusement and pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Cas.

“I don’t know, he’s your boyfriend.” Dean could see the smile he was trying to hold in.

“Really Sam, that’s where you want to go?” Idiot brother, he was just smirking back at him like he was the funniest person in the world. Which he wasn’t. “Now that Sleeping Beauty is awake, what do we do?”

“Sleeping Beauty, eh?” Dean couldn’t stop himself from throwing a pillow at his annoying little brother who was way too overgrown to be normal and sat down to his bed.

“Quit it, Sam!” Cas was quietly looking around the room, peering under beds and tables, sticking his head behind the curtains and fogging up the window glass. “He’s getting weirder by the minute.”

“Well, I don’t know about you two but I’m going to canvas the area and check if I can get some idea what we’re dealing with. The families didn’t have any useful information to give me. I might have to go over the places Cas checked out if canvasing doesn’t pan out though.” Sam was already putting on his jacket and Dean felt a twinge of fear flash trough him.

“Are you sure that’s a wise idea? With what happened to Cas and all?”

“The quicker we find out what’s going on in here the faster we can get Cas back to normal.” Dean had no counter for that. He was torn between wanting to head out and protect his brother and staying in taking care of Cas.

“Fine,” he finally agreed “be safe.” Sam left the room with a promise to bring some food back with him.

Cas was on the floor, poking at the carpet with his index finger and Dean tried not to grimace. Who knew what lived on those carpets. While Cas was busy exploring the room and in no obvious danger, Dean pulled out dad’s journal, flipping through it, trying to find anything helpful in there. Dean was 99% certain he wouldn’t find anything useful there because he’d read through the whole thing countless of times while searching for his dad.

He tried to concentrate on the journal but words got mumbled up together and jumped at his eyes in the wrong order. Out of the corner of his eye he followed Cas around the room. Dean was fighting down every urge to trail after him because Cas acted so abnormally. He wanted reassurances that things would be okay but he didn’t know who would be able to give them for him. He didn’t even know what had gone wrong, who’d done it and what they could do to make things right. He didn’t like the feeling, not one bit. He wasn’t used to being inactive but he couldn’t imagine leaving Cas behind at the motel nor could he imagine bringing him along for the ride.

Dean was startled out of his thoughts by the bed dipping and Cas crawling towards him. Dean had to gulp. Cas was staring straight at him, no, through him, like he could see everything he is, was and will be, in a single glance while still moving towards him. He wanted to ask what he was doing but he couldn’t. He couldn’t physically open his mouth and ask.

Cas looked content, pleased, as he manoeuvred himself around Dean and _caressed_ him with his torso while doing it. Dean’s heart was hammering inside his chest and he felt paralyzed to the spot. Cas started to nuzzle his face on Dean’s back and Dean scrambled to the other end of the bed.

“Cas, what are you doing?” He managed to stutter out and Cas’ only reply was to plop himself on Dean’s lap and looked thoroughly pleased with himself.


	6. Chapter 6

“Dean!?” It was the second time in 24 hours that Sam had come in to the room sounding worried. This time he had his gun propped in front of him as he glanced around the room that looked thoroughly ransacked. The table was overturned, a chair was broken with pieces of tape and rope scattered around it, the bedcovers on the bed closest to the door were in a rumple like someone had fought on it and the other bed was propped against the bathroom door. “DEAN!?”

“Put the gun down, Sam.” Dean whispered out from the corner he’d burrowed himself in an hour or so ago. As soon as Sam came in to view he was trying to motion for him to shut the hell up but his ass of a brother decided to ignore him.

“What the hell is going on? Where’s Cas? What happened?” Sam lowered the gun put didn’t put it away straight away.

“Shut up!” Dean hissed and got up from the floor but it was too late. A scratching sound came from the bathroom followed by a meow. First it was inquisitive but when Sam repeated his question of “What the hell?” the meowing took on a more demanding tone and the door handle started rattling. Sam went to the bathroom door and started pushing the bed away from the door.

“Sammy, please don’t open that door.”

“Dude, you can’t keep Cas locked in a bathroom.”

“Yeah we can, and we will,” Dean jumped up from the floor “he’s not normal Sam!”

“Dean, it’s Cas.” Dean was using all of his body strength to keep the bed in front of the bathroom door while Sam tried to move it. Sam took a deep breath and straightened himself up. “What’s going on Dean?” He was doing the grown-up thing, trying to be the more sensible one and Dean hated it. He was the big brother, he was the more sensible one! Sometimes things just needed a more immature way of handling things.

“He kept,” Dean took a deep breath and tried not to show how embarrassed he was, “he kept nuzzling and rubbing himself all over me, man.”

“I would’ve thought you’d like that.”

“Sammy!” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. “He’s not in his right mind.”

“So you don’t want to take advantage of him. How chivalrous of you. Colour me surprized.”

“Sam.” Dean growled threateningly but the jerkface simply laughed.

“Anyway,” Sam pulled out his phone, “I found some strange markings all over the town.” Dean shuffled through the photos. The pictures faintly reminded him of hieroglyphs but dead languages never were his strong suit. “I’m waiting to hear back from Donatello if he can tell us something about them.”

“I haven’t found anything useful on cat transformations either.” While Dean had been going through the pictures Sam had started cleaning up the room.

“So what exactly happened here?” Sam asked while holding up a rope. “Indulging in your desires in BDSM?” The “oomph” that came out of Sam’s mouth was incredibly satisfying when the Bible hit him in the stomach.

 

₰ ₰ ₰

 

In the end Sam had pestered Dean to open the door and a stroppy Cas had emerged and thrown deathly glares at Dean before going towards Sam. He’d changed even more in the few hours he’d been locked in the bathroom. He was no longer just sporting cat ears on top of his head and a beautifully long black tail but he was also starting to grow more hair. It was like his sideburns were on crack and started migrating to his nose which was also shaping itself as more of a cat’s nose.

Dean could see Sam trying to bite his cheek when Cas plopped himself on Sam’s bed and started licking the back of his hand before rubbing it behind his ear.

“He is a cute little kitten, isn’t he?” Sam asked but before Dean could tell him to shut up Cas hissed at him. Dean snorted and tried not to smile too happily when Cas looked pleased with himself. Sam returned to his computer, rifling through the digital copies of the Men of Letters archives.

Having nothing productive to do other than wait for Sam or Donatello come up with any theories, Dean turned towards TV.

He propped the pillows on his bed, kicked off his shoes and leaned on the wall while surfing through the channels. Grumblingly he settled on an episode of _CSI: Miami_. He really didn’t like the show but it was this or some singing contest and a crap police show was way better than a crap singing show. After the first commercial break the bed dipped and he found himself with a lap full of Cas. His heart rate skyrocketed again and palms started to sweat. Last time he tried to push him away and ended up running around the room, stumbling into things while Cas flew after him with grace Dean couldn’t even fathom to have and tried to tackle him to the ground. After the third time he tried to rope and tape him in to the chair but that failed abysmally and finally he tried to hide in the bathroom but Cas managed to open the door each time.

No, it was easier to let him lie on his lap and nuzzle to his abdomen and try to think unsexual thoughts like Roz from Monsters Inc and Donald Trump and — Holyfuckingshithellohmygod! Cas started purring and his whole body vibrated and he was currently lying on his back over Dean’s lap and his dick was right there and there was vibrations and —

Cas looked up at him with annoyance when he lifted his knees up and Cas toppled next to him. Dean almost felt sheepish but he had to protect his penis from the heat of Cas’ body and the godawfully good vibrations that were causing his dick to perk up. Thankfully Cas curled over his feet instead of trying to worm up to his lap again and continued with the purring and vibrating. Now that his penis was safe the purring felt quite nice.

Somewhere after three episodes of _CSI: Miami_ Dean felt himself starting to snooze. Sam had found nothing to help them and decided to hit the hay in the next bed. Dean didn’t want to move and disturb Cas who was still curled at his feet but his legs were starting to ache and he couldn’t sleep in his current position anyway. Dean tried to move his legs carefully but Cas opened his eyes anyway.

“I just need to stretch out.” Why was he explaining this to a Cas? For all he knew he had no idea what he was saying. Damn he was tired. Dean turned to his stomach, cradling the pillow under his head and closed his eyes.  Before he had a chance to fall asleep Dean felt a weight settle on his back. Cas was half lying on him. With an alarmed glance at his sleeping brother Dean decided it would be more easier to let Cas be where he was and just get on with the sleeping. The weight and presence felt extremely good and Dean hadn’t had physical contact like this in some time. Besides if he moved and pushed Cas off there would be noises and his idiot of a brother would wake up and Dean wasn’t up to dealing with the jerkface. So, he let Cas be where he was, nuzzling his face between Dean’s shoulder blades and fell asleep. It felt good and Dean was too tired to think about platonic friends and sleeping under said platonic friend and what Sam might think if he woke up and saw them.

 

₰ ₰ ₰

 

The next morning Dean woke up with a something heavy and warm on his chest. The pressure felt kind of nice and Dean struggled to open up his eyes. Once he did there were eyes staring back at him; Castiel’s incredibly blue eyes. Although the colour was spot on everything else was not. There was a black cat sitting on top of his chest, a cat which had Cas’ eyes. Dean stared at the cat stupidly before remembering that Cas was turning in to a cat; or rather had already turned in to a cat.

CasCat was staring at him with his head tilted and eyes wrinkled in a way that made Dean think of smiling. Once the CasCat noticed Dean was awake he head butted him. The purring started and Dean couldn’t help but to scratch him behind his ear and smile. CasCat was cute and Dean was spiked with strong antihistamines. He did actually like cat’s after all.

CasCat lay down and turned to his side, purring and pushing his face against Dean’s hand while trying to hold Dean’s hand in place with his paws. He tried not to grin but he was failing perfectly.

“Aww… Won’t you look at that! My big brother’s really a big softie!” Dean jumped up from the bed like someone lit a fire under his ass and hissed out as CasCat tried to hang on to his chest with his nails.

“Son of a bitch!” The scratches burned and his shirt was now ruined. CasCat sauntered off to the window and Sammy was laughing like he’d seen something extremely hilarious.

“You two looked cute.” Sam pulled out his phone and tapped it a few times. Dean’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out. Sam had sent him a picture he took. A picture of Dean and semi-transformed Cas, sleeping soundly. Dean was lying on his back and Cas was tucked on his side, his arms and legs tightly wrapped around Dean.

“Jody thinks you two look ‘simply adorable’.” Sam was snickering at his phone while Dean tried to wrap his head around the fact that his idiot of a brother had taken a photo of him and Cas sleeping together and sent it to other people!

“You didn’t!” The horror was evident in Dean’s voice. His phone vibrated again. _I’m so happy for you and Castiel._ It was from Mary. “You sent it to mom and Jody?” If he wished hard enough his brother would say yes.

“Nah, I sent it to all my contacts.”

“You fucker!” What did he do to deserve such an ass of a brother? Dean jumped on Sam, trying to get his phone and see if he was telling the truth. Sam kept laughing his ass off while keeping the phone out of Dean’s reach. He was getting too old for wrestling with his brother but he had no choice! His brother was a fuckface and he deserved a good beating! And who was he to deny the pretentious ass of a good beating!


	7. Chapter 7

“I’m not comfortable using Cas as a distraction.” Dean was feeling slightly woozy and not only because of the handful of antihistamines he’d drowned before driving the three of them to the place people told the Crazy Cat Lady lived. It was after midnight and the house they were watching was a two-story detached house at the end of the street.

“Dean, for the hundredth time: he’s fine with it.” Dean could hear the roll of Sammy’s eyes as they hid in the bushes and watched Cas sashaying down the street.

“He’s turning to a cat! I don’t think he really knows what he’s agreeing to.” Donatello had called with the info on the sign. It seemed that there was a goddess on the loose, turning people in to cat’s. Through few other people Sam had gotten the knowledge needed to gank the bitch Bastet. There was nothing on what would happen to Cas after the bitch was dead but they were hoping he would just turn back to himself once she was dead.

“You and I both know had he been in his normal self, he would’ve agreed in a heartbeat; just as you would have.”  Dean swallowed the burst of protests because it wasn’t really helping but he couldn’t help fearing that Cas would end up even more screwed than he already was; and not in the good way. Sam crouched and ran to the other side of the street and jumped over the fence forcing Dean to follow him.

Dean jumped the fence with ease and swallowed a curse when he landed on a fallen branch and nearly sprained his ankle in the process. Dean crouched himself and ran under the window to the back door where Sam was waiting with his cat bone knife infused with cobra venom at the ready. The plan was for Cas to cause a ruckus and for them to go in quietly and take the baddie out. Dean had his gun out and poised in front of him. The adrenaline was starting to run and Dean took in a deep breath and with a nod towards Sammy, they entered the house.

They could hear the clanking and meowing at the front of the house and a woman’s voice cooing. Dean followed Sam in and that’s when all hell broke loose. The house was filled with cats and they started meowing on seeing them. Screw guard dogs, guard cats were efficient as well.

The Crazy Cat Lady Goddess ran in to the room and Sam just about got behind the door when she emerged. Dean tried to fight for air as he was flung across the room and into the wall. All air escaped his lungs and his side was hurting like hell. It didn’t feel like he’d broken any ribs this time, small mercies. Cracked ribs healed slow!

She was advancing Dean with a look that could kill on her face. CasCat was trying to trip her but being a small cat has its disadvantages. Sam jumped at her, trying to plunge the cat bone deep into her chest cavity but she saw him and Sam was pushed to the side with force. A thrum of dread ran through Dean on seeing his brother flung across the room.

“SAMMY!” You’d think that with the amount of times they had been thrown across rooms because of the baddies Dean would’ve gotten used to it but no. It hurt like hell each time and each time he saw his brother hurt it caused his heart to twist.

The Goddess turned back towards Dean and he almost let out a sigh of relief. At least when the bitch was looking at him Sam was safe. He could take the beating and the torture and everything the beasties gave but he couldn’t handle seeing his family in dangers way. He couldn’t stand watching his brother get hurt.

“Hey Bitch, why don’t you mess with someone more your size?” As lines go this one was bad but Dean’s head was messed up. The Goddess was actually about five feet in size and delicate but with more strength that was allowed. Dean pulled out his gun and shot a few bullets through her hoping to at least slow her down. She glanced at the blood flowing from her chest and her face turned into fierce anger. Had he had the time to gulp and say ‘oh shit’, Dean would’ve but before he could say or do anything Bastet had him lifted up the floor by his throat. How the hell did she manage that! She was five feet long! She revealed her teeth, the long narrow and white canines shining ominously at Dean. The teeth sank to his shoulder and hot pain went through Dean and nearly had him seeing white. He could feel the teeth pulling, tearing his skin as she shoot her head left and right.

From the corner of his eye he saw a flash of black and something warm splashed him in the face. He could hear hissing and yowling and the pressure was released from his trachea and shoulder. Now that there was nothing keeping him upright Dean slumped to the floor. His shoulder was aching and pain pulsed in the wounds with each beat of his heart. Shaking his head to clear the muddle of pain and oxygen deprivation and the shock which was trying to set in Dean tried to concentrate on the scene in front of him. CasCat was biting and scratching Bastet with all he got and evading her swinging hands. With the last ounces of energy he pushed himself back to his feet just in time to see Sam plunging the bone deep inside Bastet’s chest. The scream that came out of her mouth was toe curling and Dean couldn’t resist throwing his hands to his ears to block out the sound. The flash of pain from his shoulder made his eyes go white before blacking out.

 

₰ ₰ ₰

 

Dean slowly blinked his eyes open, staring up at with strange patterns of dirt crisscrossing across the discoloured ceiling. His shoulder was aching unpleasantly and Dean turned his head to see it wrapped up in bandages.

“Hey.” Sam leaned in with worry written all over his face. “How are you feeling?”

“Like somebody tried to rip out my arm.” Dean tried not to sound too sarcastic but doggone his arm was killing him. It was pulsing with each beat and there was pressure around the pulsing bite marks and that pressure was almost unbearable. He could already see by the shape of the bandages that his shoulder was swollen.

“Take these.” Sam was holding a couple of white pills on his palm and a glass of water on the other. Dean took both with gratitude and the water felt amazing going down his throat. “Cas went out on a supply run.” Dean had to fight down the urge to get up from the bed.

“How is he?” Dean had to close his eyes because of the pain aching in his arm. He could almost feel the infection setting in from the faint way he felt cold. He pulled the blanket over his bare upper body.

“He’s back to his previous form.” Sam said and Dean had to open his eyes to look at his brother. He was rubbing his neck and the worried ‘we need to talk’ look on his face. “He —“

“Dean.” Dean’s head whipped instantly towards the door and Castiel standing at the door. He looked good; he sounded good and godawful sexy with his low and gravelly voice.

“Hi Cas.” Cas was staring at him tentatively before closing the door and standing awkwardly way too far from Dean. Sam goes to pick up the bag from Cas and spreading the things inside on the table, making himself scarce with deafening loudness and making sure things were now infused with more awkwardness.

“How do you feel Dean?” Finally he came closer to the bed and Dean lifted himself to a sitting position.

“Not too bad, the drugs are kicking in. You’re back to Angel again?”

“Yes.” There was tension in the air that Dean wasn’t used to have with Cas. Sam was peering down the bag trying to find something but Dean was pretty sure the bag was already empty. “My help is needed in heaven. I wanted to make sure you were fine before heading there.” Dean could feel disappointment setting in. He turned his eyes away from Cas and stared at the blanket in front of him.

“I’m fine.” Dean tried hard not to feel hurt because Cas was leaving but it was hard, extremely hard. “You should go.” He didn’t want to admit to himself that he hated when Cas left and he hated that he wanted to leave. Dean suppressed the voice telling him to quit being such a goddamn selfish bastard. He wished Cas would want to stay, stay with him. He wished Cas would need him as much as he needed Cas. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait! Life, responsibilities, health issues and other shit have taken too much out of my writing time and that has been awful! But here it is, the next chapter! Enjoy!

Cas was back to himself and Dean should feel good about it. He really should. On one hand he was extremely elated that things had gone back to normal but the normal for Dean didn’t feel enough.

Having an affectionate CasCat had been weird; weird in a good way. It had filled him with the same kind of longing and love that he’d felt only once before. It was pure and innocent and scary and goddamn meaningful.

Dean had needs. If he was being honest with himself and he liked to avoid those gutwrenchingly honest thoughts, deep down inside he needed for someone to touch him; someone to love him, even if it was for his looks or his abilities in the sack. He needed it like he needed air to breathe. For years he thought that the random hook-ups would be enough and that he was content with his way of life for the rest of his life. That he didn’t deep, deep, deep, way deep down wish for the ‘ _and they lived happily ever after’_. 

What a load of crap! Suddenly he’d turned into some chick? Dean could feel himself grimacing outwardly at the thought. It was nothing new, the constant battering he received from inside himself. No one was as harsh of a critic about all things revolving around Dean Winchester than Dean Winchester himself.

But slowly he could feel a change happening inside his head. He didn’t know when it started or why but he was starting to fight those negative thoughts. Slowly he’d started to exorcise his inner demons. And if Dean was good at something, it was exorcising demons.

Cas had left. He had responsibilities and crap. For a few moments though he’d looked like a lost puppy, kind of like in the early days when he started to question everything he knew. But Cas had left before Dean could get his wits about him and — what? What was he going to do? He had no idea what he was supposed to do now that he had this _feeling_. He couldn’t even put a word for what it was; he couldn’t label it, not that he’d want to anyway. But the need inside was disturbing. It was filling him up, pushing his insides out. It was too big and too _there_ to ignore.

 “Huh?” Sam had said something he completely missed.

“Take the next exit.” Dean could feel the worry pulsing off of his brother and inwardly he groaned. There would be questions soon. Of course there would be questions. When would Sam _not_ want to talk about feelings and shit?

Dean felt his body tightening up as if that would help and act as a shield against the soon to be voiced questions and the worry emanating from Sam.

 

Two hours later Sam was still quiet, listening to some book or podcast or whatnot the hip kids these days listened to on their way-too-smart smart phones. Dean was getting suspicious. It was going to be bad. He was sure of it. His heart rate escalated at the thought and made cold sweat form at the back of his neck

 

Four hours later Dean could feel himself almost shaking with dread. They were almost at the Bunker. Sammy had gone to get the groceries and Dean had decided to remain with Baby. He didn’t want Sam to start pestering him at the store. It would be humiliating and it would end up with people looking at them and parents’ covering their children ears and eyes in disbelief and quiet disapproval staring at them. They’d been there before. It had not been pretty.

“I think I got everything,” Sam was doing a last minute check up on the bags to see they had everything before climbing on the passenger side seat. Dean drove off without a word. The dread was expanding as if someone was building a wall with bricks that were filled with small amounts of dread and the feeling of unsureness rose up with each new brick added to the wall. Sam was acting too suspiciously. He had to have something big that he wanted to discuss. It must be because he was waiting to get back to the bunker! Son of a bitch!

 

Dean shut the engine and Sam said something about taking the groceries to the kitchen and disappeared with his bags. This was not good, this was not good. His eyes couldn’t focus on any particular place and he couldn’t get his feet to move out of the comforts of Baby’s frame.

 

Two days later Dean was contemplating on if he could get away with a solo hunt. Sam still hadn’t opened his gob about feelings or his worry or anything remotely _deep_ and it was scaring the shit out of Dean. That meant he was biding his time and waiting to catch him off guard and bombard Dean with some big revelation that would smack him straight in the face and make him lash out at his brother. He would say something stupid and a little bit of crazy would seep out with a touch of honesty and Dean would be stomp off in a huff and later on realize his little brother was way too smart and way too adult for him to be a little brother. Cas was acting weird as well. He was calling Sam with updates of his whereabouts and what he was doing. It was annoying the hell out of Dean. He usually called Dean because Dean had made him promise and he hadn’t taken no for an answer.

 

A week later Dean was starting to remind a skittish horse with the way he was alert all the time. Still no Talk with Sam and it had been nine days the last time he’d seen Cas or heard from him personally. Cas was still calling Sam and apparently Cas and Mary were out together on a hunt. Dean had gone out for a solo hunt and rather than making him feel relaxed, it was almost making him worse. For nine days Sammy had been acting as though he wasn’t worried about him and for nine days he hadn’t said a word about it. It was making Dean into a nervous wreck. He was starting to think if he should just open his mouth and get the ball rolling because the waiting was killing him. Nah, not going to do that. Out of question. No chick flick moments and all that. Phew!

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sam looked up from the book he was leafing through with a faint smile ghosting his lips. Dean hadn’t meant to blurt it out but it had been two weeks. Two weeks! For _fourteen days_ Dean had been nearly shitting himself with dread!

“Sorry?” And now Sam had the nerve to play stupid. Not on his watch!

“You know damn well, Sam!” Dean was leaning on the table on his fists and he was unable to stop his arms from trembling.

“I haven’t the foggiest.” Sam kept going through the book in front of him with that amused grin that made Dean feel like he was losing a sort of game Sam had been playing and it took all of Dean’s willpower not to grab the book from him and throw it against a wall like a teenager in a tantrum. Because this wasn’t a tantrum. Adults didn’t tantrum!

“ _Foggiest_? Foggiest? Really Sam?”

“What?” Sam would have looked like a confused Moose if it hadn’t been for the amusement shining in his eyes. Before either of them could say another word, Sam’s phone rang.

“Hi Cas!” Dean groaned, “No, not at all. What’s up?” Dean could feel his jaw aching because of how hard he was pressing his teeth together. Dean straightened himself up, waiting to see if there was a problem. Since Sam’s face didn’t morph into worry, Dean decided to stalk off. Fine! Baby needed a wash and polish anyway.  The door slammed closed harder than Dean intended but the echoing bang eased up a little of his frustration.

Baby didn’t actually need a wash but Dean needed to do something with his hands. Every few minutes he kept glancing at the door but Sam didn’t come to find him. He always came to find him if he made a scene like he did just now. A groan escaped his lips and Dean pressed his forehead against Baby. What was he thinking? Nothing good that’s for sure. If Sam was to come by the garage, Dean would deny everything and say the little shit had been hallucinating.

Dean had finished with the outside and was now cleaning the interior. No Sam in sight. He must have ended the call with Cas a long time ago but still he didn’t come. When Sammy eventually came, he would say that the amount of rabbit food in their fridge was unacceptable and he _demanded_ more proper food! That’s it. Crisis averted. Sammy would say it wasn’t rabbit food and he would say that the amount of grease and fat in Dean’s diet was going to kill him sooner rather than later. Dean would say he was pretty sure the beasties would get him before he died of natural causes. Sam would say that was no reason to treat his body as a waste station.

 By the time he was arranging the weapons in the trunk, having given each and every blade a wash and thorough clean to each gun, Sam still hadn’t shown up. Fine! He didn’t even want to talk!

When he got to the kitchen, Sam was already there, eating something that looked like fisheggjello. Dean could feel his jaw tightening as he went to the cupboard to fetch a bowl, a spoon and a box of some healthy cereal that tasted like cardboard. He wanted to smash all of it to the ground when he found out that they were out of sugar, the only thing that could make the cardboard-cereal taste even remotely good. Instead he went to the fridge and managed to get the milk and a couple of beers in his hands before he stomped off towards his room.

 

“Cas called. He needs our help.” Dean couldn’t even yell at his idiot of a brother for stumbling in to his room without knocking because his stomach dropped to the floor at the same time his mouth had opened. Sam’s eyes were widened and his eyebrows were a bit closer than normal. His shirt was buttoned up all wrong and there was a strain in his voice. He was still clutching his phone with whitened knuckles. Thousands of different scenarios ran through his head and Dean felt lightheaded and strangely numb. Sam had already disappeared from his door to get his things and on autopilot Dean dived under the bed to grab his go-bag. At the same time he wanted to know what was going on and stay out of the loop. Cas, please be okay!


	9. Chapter 9

The drive was too long, it took too much of time and the pressure in Dean’s insides were killing him. It took too long and was too long even though Cas was just a 45 minute drive away from the bunker, less than that because Dean put pedal to the medal and drove like a maniac. For once Sammy kept quiet on his right and didn’t utter a word against his racing habits gone on steroids. The air inside of Baby was dense with worry and Dean had trouble breathing it in.

“Take the next road left.” Sam was tense next to him and Dean nearly missed the road. Baby’s rear slid on the dirt road as he turned the wheel to make the turn. His hands worked the wheel to stay on the road and not drive off it. The freefall-feeling Dean got from Baby rear sliding first to right and then left would’ve normally made Dean feel excitement pumping his veins but this time it simply made bile rise to his throat. The milliseconds it took for Baby to drive forward was time Dean couldn’t get back and from what Mary had told Sam, they didn’t have time to loose.

Cas was hurt and Mary didn’t know what to do. They were supposed to go up against a demon who was squatting and wreaking havoc in the small town but things had gone fucked up in mere seconds. It wasn’t just one demon. Mary and Cas had gone in and a dozen of demons had appeared.

The wheels connected with the dirt and Baby finally pushed forward on the road. He could see the idyllic run down barn on the horizon, looking all too beaten down to be housing a wounded Angel. Nervous energy filled Dean making it hard to stay still and drive on. He wanted to dump the car and run to Cas just because that would be doing something and Dean felt he wasn’t doing anything; and he needed to do something.

The wheels screeched to a halt and every ounce of him was telling him to run, run to Cas and make sure he’s okay but a lifetime of hunting made him go to the trunk and get weapons. A Winchester didn’t walk into danger with his pants down. Okay, maybe they did, but they were a bunch of idiots when it came to saving people, especially when it came to saving their near and dear.

Once Dean was as weaponized as he could be, he hurried towards the barn door. A groan filled the air and made his heart plummet down to his stomach. Sam slid the barn door open and a gun poised in front of him and Dean stepped inside.

Dean’s senses were filled with the faint smell of manure, hay and livestock feed mixed with dirt. Dean shivered but it had nothing to do with the temperature inside the barn but everything to do with the man lying on a sofa, bloodied and in pain. He could hear Cas’s gravelly voice, strained with pain while talking with Mary. Cas was slumped on the couch in a positing Dean had never seen him in. Cas was always upright and he never slumped. There was blood all over his face and hands and shirt. Dean hated that his clothes were bloody.

Dean’s stomach was in knots and it was taking all of his willpower not to cross the room and throw Mary away from Cas. This was her fault! He wanted to blame it all on her but a part of him was bashing his head in because he should’ve been able to look after Cas. He should’ve never let him get this bad. He should’ve done something

Dean wanted to hurry to Cas’s side but he felt his feet were glued to the floor. Mary rose up from the sofa and walked around Dean to reach Sam, her eyes shining from sadness and relief. On her way to Sam Mary touched Dean’s shoulder and Dean’s whole body jumped. The support Mary’s hand gave was nothing Dean wanted but craved at the same time and he couldn’t deal. Not while his Cas was hurt.

To escape his brother and Mary talking in hushed tones he joined Cas on the sofa and with a glance to make sure they were engrossed in their conversation made Dean man up and take Cas’s hand.

“Cas, how bad is it?” He sounded too wrecked as he watched Cas loosen the tie around his throat and revealed a bit of the skin on his neck and shoulder. Rather than being golden brown and smooth, it was marred with black lines and scars. Dean could taste a bit of bile at the back of his throat at the sight of Cas hurt so bad. He didn’t know how to fix this. He needed to fix this.

“You should go.” Cas pleaded and the fear shining in his eyes made Dean want to bury his head against Cas’s chest, just to escape the look. “They’ll find us and kill us all.”

“Cas, come on.” There was no way he was leaving Cas behind. Not like this. Never like this, not while he was hurt. Mary and Sam came to stand around him and Cas. He could hear his brother taking in a breath and swallowing and he knew Sammy wouldn’t leave him either.

“No, you listen to me,” Cas looked so serious, so firm about what he had to say that Dean had trouble taking in air. The musky scent of the barn would be forever etched in his mind with this image and Dean was sure his dreams would be haunted with the smell. “You, look, thank you. Thank you.” Dean’s stomach gave an unpleasant churn at the words and the meaning behind them. This was a good bye. Cas wasn’t planning on surviving this. And like Dean, not too long ago, he was saying what he needed so that he could leave in peace. Dean could feel fury bubbling inside him but most of all he felt defeated. Defeated, scared and sad.

“Knowing you has been the best part of my life.” Dean’s throat was tightening and he could feel the heat behind his eyes. He wanted to take in a calming breath but he was afraid if he did the tears would spill, so instead he swallowed and held his breath. “And the things, uh, the things we’ve shared together they’ve changed me.” The words were coming out strained, like Cas was holding in the pain just to get these words out. Dean was paralyzed to the spot, held captive with Cas’s words and Cas kept looking at him, straying towards Sam for a while but always coming back to Dean’s. The gaze was too much for Dean. He wanted to close his eyes or avert them at least but there he was, watching his Cas saying goodbye.

As Cas moaned in agony and tried to get himself in order Dean was released from his hold and he had to look away. From the corner of his eye he could see Mary looking at him without a word, mouth open and eyes deep with what Dean thought of as worry.

“You are my family. I love you. I love all of you.” Dean had to avert his eyes, his stomach was churning and his chest felt too tight, about to explode through his skin. This was too much, way too much for him. There was no way this was happening. “Just please, please don’t make my last moments be spend watching you die. Just run, save yourselves and I will hold them off as long as I can.”

“Cas, no.” He didn’t know who the fuck they had angered that could hurt Cas the way they had and why they were out for Winchester blood but there was no way he was going to leave Cas behind. It was not up for discussion.

“Yes. You need to keep fighting.”

“We are fighting. We are fighting for you Cas.” A wash of relief went through Dean with Sam’s words. It meant that he wasn’t going to have to save Cas on his own.

“And like you said, you’re family. And we don’t leave family behind.” It was written on the Winchester family-shirt. Their family was small but the Winchesters never left family behind. Cas’s eyes were so bright and his jaw muscles were tight. His breathing was way too loud and his chest heaved with the unshed tears.

 “You idiots! You are all going to die.” Crowley with his impeccable suit appeared at the centre of the barn.

“Well this day just keeps on getting better.” Dean rose to his feet. Outside he was annoyed but inside he couldn’t help but to feel a hint of something positive. The faintest hint of reassurance. Crowley was the demon they loved to hate and hated to love and he had come to warn them, hopefully help them as well. With Crowley you never knew what you got but just this time Dean tried to ignore the voice that was whispering in his ear that everything was going to be fucked up and he was going to end up alone just as he deserved to be.

“Crowley?” Sam sounded just as confused as Dean felt.

“You’re him,” Mary was advancing Crowley “King of Hell.” The way she said it spoke volumes on just how little Mary thought of Crowley. Now, Dean wasn’t on team Crowley but for some reason he didn’t like the way Mary acted around him.

“You must be Mother Winchester. Pleasure, I’ve heard so much.” Crowley held out his hand with a faint smirk of judgement on his lips. To be fair, he always had that smirk of judgement on but there was a touch of actual smile behind it.

“Touch me and I’ll kill you.” Mary threatened and Crowley let his hand drop back down. Dean wanted to smack Mary at the back of her head just for that comment and the way Crowley’s face fell at the refusal to be civil.

Crowley decided to ignore Mary and nodded towards Cas. “What’s up with Feathers?”

“What are you doing here? How’d you find us?” He didn’t know what was wrong with Cas and he couldn’t say that out loud.

“Wait a second, the demons, they were yours.” Sam accused and Dean felt confused, he hated that. He wanted to ask but at the same time he didn’t want to show his confusion. Knowledge was power and it wasn’t good to let a demon know you were out of the loop.

“Obviously.” The one word didn’t veil the annoyance Crowley felt for their stupidity.  “Do you know what you’ve done?” Crowley was angry and trying to hold it in and failing. Behind the anger Dean could see a hint of fear. There weren’t a lot of things Crowley feared. “Does the name Ramiel mean anything to you?” Dean felt annoyed they were about to be schooled by the King of Hell.

“No.” Dean answered with Sam and Mary and at the same time Cas spoke out a “Yes. Ramiel, Prince of Hell.”

“Ramiel, Prince of Hell. It’s catchy, it rhymes.” Crowley looked way too pleased with himself that Dean wanted to hit him. “And he’s going to kill each and every one of you.”

“No! The Princes are all dead!” There was worry in Cas’s voice that made Dean loose a part of his bravado.

“That’s what we told everyone to stop looking. But in reality, not so much.”

“What the hell’s a Prince of —Hell?” It sounded ridiculous and it felt even more ridiculous to say out loud. A Prince of Hell? Hell started to sound a lot more like a fairy tale land than an actual _Hell_ with its princes and kings.

“The oldest of the old demons. The first generation _after_ Lilith. Lucifer turned them himself _before_ the oceans drank Atlantis.”  
“They were trained to be the generals to lead demonic armies in the war against Heaven.” Cas’s worry didn’t go away but it grew with each passing second.

“Like Azazel.” Well that was a name he didn’t want to hear. Azazel was the reason their family was firmly in the _hunting things, saving people_ -business and the reason they had lost their mother all those years ago.

“Even has his eyes.” Crowley confirmed.

 

The plan was to hit Ramiel – a freaking Prince of Hell with everything they got. Most of the things in Baby’s trunk was pulled to the barn. They took their places and Dean fought with each moan of pain Cas breathed out the urge to abandon everything and join Cas’s side. They should be looking for a way to cure Cas, not fight some douchebag Prince out to get them.

Crowley didn’t have a cure or anything to help with Cas’s situation and he was sceptical they could manage to get it out of Ramiel in time to help. Dean didn’t want to believe it when Crowley said they didn’t have time but he could feel the urgency setting in. He got angry because what use was Crowley if he didn’t have the cure or a way to get the cure out of Ramiel. He was bringing everyone down, most of all Crowley was bringing Dean down, and that was unacceptable. Dean had ordered Crowley to either help them or get the hell out. Crowley had left like the scared vermin he was.

After Crowley left they didn’t talk much. Each of them had a job to do and they worked in sync, as if they’d done this a billion of times. To be fair, he and Sam had done this a bunch of times but not with Mary.

Dean still felt anger and resentment towards her and he was starting to think it might never go away. For some reason the thought made him sad. He could feel Mary looking at him, sometimes opening her mouth to say something then closing it with a sigh.

When Mary had appeared, brought back from death he’d been overjoyed, happy that he had a chance to have his mother back and glad they had a chance to get to know each other. Things started out good. He introduced Mary to Cas and they hit it off almost immediately. They found Sam and made peace with the British Men of Letters and after a few weeks things started to go down. Mary started going on solo hunts, taking longer and longer to get back and refusing help, other than that from Cas. She pulled herself further and further away from them and then the blow out happened.

Dean didn’t know why Sammy wasn’t as hurt as he was that their mother didn’t want to spend time with them, didn’t want to be around them. She wanted to hunt alone, she wanted to be left alone. Dean had been a kid when she died and now he was a grown ass man and his mother wanted to abandon him. People did that, they abandoned Dean and he shouldn’t even be that surprised but there he was, taken back by the bitter abandonment of his mother. He should’ve been used to that. People didn’t want to stay with Dean Winchester.

The sound the barn wall being crashed in and Crowley screaming pulled Dean back from the dark thoughts swirling in his. Crowley was lay still, probably unconscious after being thrown through the wall and Ramiel stepped in through the hole taking his place inside the ring of fire like it was predestined. It should have made Dean feel good that they’d managed to trap Ramiel but instead he felt a coldness of fear running in his veins.

Sam dropped the lighter and Ramiel was surrounded by fire. The flutter of fire made Dean feel a bit safer. The warmth was calming his nerves. Ramiel was trapped for the time being and they could gather their strength and strike. He didn’t even look scared standing inside the ring, surrounded by three hunters.

“You stabbed one of our friends.” Dean accused walking around the ring, getting into position.

“Your friend was trespassing.”

“Tell us how to cure him.” On the other side of the ring Sam was stepping into position as well.

“There is no cure.”

“You have any idea who we are?” Dean asked, anger boiling inside of him. He refused to accept that there was no cure.

“I don’t care. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care why you’re here. All I care was to be left alone. But then you come. You _steal_ from me. And that — that I cannot abide.” The confusion settling in wasn’t helping the situation at all. The looks of his brother and Mary were enough to convince they had no idea what Ramiel was talking about. Though this wouldn’t be the first time a demon lied to them. They were kings and queens of lying.

“Give me back what’s mine.” Ramiel pulled out a pocked watch, polishing it against his chest. “Or I’ll take it off your lifeless bodies.” He held the watch up. “You’ve got thirty seconds.” The seconds started to tick on but since they hadn’t stolen anything from him, they couldn’t give it back.

“Honestly, we’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.” Dean told, knowing full well it wouldn’t do any good.

“Twenty seconds.” The seconds ticked off almost excruciatingly slow, all the while Cas was hurt and dy— no can’t think that. Dean refused to think that anything bad would happen to Cas.

“Have it your way.” A long lance materialized from behind Ramiel’s back and Dean was happy for the fight begin. At last he could push all those dark feelings aside and just punch, fight and dodge and hopefully kill the bastard who had stabbed his Cas.

Ramiel Hit the ground with the lance and a strong wind pushed them to the ground, dousing out the ring of fire. Sam got up on his feet first, making their first move but Ramiel pushed him back with a couple of hits with the lance. Dean advanced Ramiel and in swift move, Ramiel turned and swiped the lance at Dean. In the nick of time he managed to dodge it but the second hit landed on his leg, pushing him a few steps back.

While he stumbled backwards, Dean noticed a long shovel, pulling it out from under the table.

Dean got back to the fight, pulling back the shovel and hitting Ramiel with all he got. Ramiel managed to pull up his lance, blocking the hit before it landed and the vibrations of the block travelled all the way to his shoulders, making Dean’s hands numb for few seconds. Dean and Ramiel were side by side, the lance pushing Dean’s shovel to the ground and seeing his chance, Dean pushed his whole body against Ramiel, making him take a few steps back and release the shovel. He pulled it back again, taking another shot at Ramiel. Ramiel blocked it again and kicked him in the stomach taking the wind out of him and making him drop the shovel. Dean was getting angrier by the second. He wanted to kill the bastard who hurt his Castiel. Ramiel hit him again and this time Dean had to use his hands to block the hit. His arms ached with the blow but he didn’t give up but rather punched Ramiel with all he got again and again. Ramiel butted his head against Dean’s, making him see stars and stumble back before he was hit to the side of his head with the lance. It felt like being punched by a tree.

Dean was pushed back and in an effort to gain his balance he stumbled around and he was suddenly with his back to the baddie. That was never good but Dean had his breath knocked out of him and he needed a moment. He looked back only to see Ramiel with an evil grin and a laugh, holding the lance in front of him like readying himself to a jousting match but one where Dean had nothing to counteract the assault. Luckily his brother was on point and with moves practiced over the years of fighting, he managed to throw Ramiel off his game. Mary managed to plunge the Angel Blade deep in to Ramiel’s back but he wasn’t stopped. A move well executed shifted the power to Sammy and without a pause the staff was pushed to Ramiel’s chest. The moment stood still and Ramiel started laughing. Dean was just finding his breath and trying to gather up his wits to bring on the second assault with his brass knuckles when Ramiel lifted his head and he flashed out of existence. The fight was over and the air was filled with the piercing smell of sulfur.

Dean could feel the joy and relief of the kill tinted with worry over what Ramiel had told them; there was no cure for Cas. Just as Dean managed to get himself under control, Cas shouted out in agony. Dean’s stomach was once again in turmoil and what he saw made him nearly pass out. Black goo was coming out of Cas’s mouth and the fear intensified inside Dean. Cas’s eyes turned upwards and all Dean could think of was ‘ _God, please save him! Please, please, please, please!’_.

“Hang in there, alright.” His world was out of whack, it was like Dean had lost his footing and he was falling and falling and falling with nothing as a safe line and no relief of crashing in sight. It wasn’t a dream from which you woke up with a start when you hit the ground. “What do we do?” Sam was asking him and he had no idea what to answer back. He didn’t know and that made Dean feel even worse.

Suddenly there was a crack and a blinding light left him blind. His hand flew to cover his eyes but it took a while for his eyesight to come back and he saw Crowley holding two pieces of the lance. “The magic’s in the craftsmanship.” Crowley told like it answered everything and Dean was so close to biting his head off. If Cas wasn’t in such a bad shape he’d get up and kick his posh arse back to the lowest levels of hell.

He didn’t want to turn back around and see Cas hurt and on the brink of death but things had gone too quiet after the flash. After taking a deep breath Dean turned around, steeling himself to see those blackened scars crisscross on Cas’s face. His eyes widened. Cas looked normal. “Cas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, another chapter, hopefully you enjoyed it!
> 
> I'm about to whine, feel free to ignore it, but goddamnit this chapter was an annoying chapter to write! I woved to never, ever, ever, ever again write straight from an episode! No matter how good it is and how full of gay love it is or how inspired I am! Also, Richard! Couldn't you have at least edited this episode properly in a linear way?  
> Hopefully though I made it justice and managed to write it in a way that makes sense to anyone else than me and fits this story properly without adding a thousand new questions for you and millions of gaping plot holes! I ignored everything with Luci and Wally wasn't a part of this, so people should thank me for saving a character! I really do hope it makes sense for you readers, If I made any mistakes or you notice something that doesn't fit, feel free to let me know, I appreciate the comments and welcome them like an old bosom friend.
> 
> Also, I had to read my notes for this story because I kind of forgot the ending I planned for this and what I had written down was this:  
> "-"I love you, I love all of you" Suddenly everything is clear."  
> THANKS! Thanks a freaking bunch! That bloody well cleared up all the questions I had! I'm clearly an effing awesome note writer because now I see where I wanted to take this story....
> 
> So it seems now I have to put my thinking cap on and round up this story in a neat package with a nice purple pow on top.
> 
> Until next time!


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